my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
