I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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