youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
