I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
