true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
