I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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