why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Randomize
