you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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