found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
