Your mouth is God's brothel.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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