So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
