can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
