found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
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