I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
