For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
