Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
