Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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