I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
