I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
