Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
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