You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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