I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
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