This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Randomize
