Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
