I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
