i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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