Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Randomize
