One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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