This girl is more easily done than said...
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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