So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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