in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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