Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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