Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
