Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
and you fell through a lawn chair
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
