I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
