I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
