sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
