look no pants
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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