My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Randomize
