I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
