wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
