the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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