alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
