apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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