i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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