You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
