i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
