I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
