hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
