I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
