About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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