Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
