So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
