I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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