burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Randomize
