i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I need moral support for this bender
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
