i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
