: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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