Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize