if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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