kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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